I am sure you are well aware that Christmas is rapidly approaching.
If, like me, you work in office in England then this time of year always features 3 things:
1) Some ‘character’ in the office will start wearing a variety of Xmas related apparel (socks, ties etc.)
2) The staff Xmas party
3) Secret Santa
2 of the 3 usually fill me with dread. The Christmas ties lose their appeal after about 10 minutes or so once I have heard the tie play a version of Jingle Bells that is similar to that of a kid playing it on one of those old school Nokia 3310’s.
The staff party is also often cause for concern as many of my colleagues get extremely hammered whilst I try and keep out of trouble. Therefore, staff Xmas parties for me mean that I have to spend the evening with either hearing from my drunken boss about how he was a lot like me when he was my age or I have to pretend that I find the sleazy/crude remarks made by a hammered Justine from finance about how she could ‘eat me alive’ funny.
Secret Santa is something I quite look forward to though. For those of you who are not familiar, Secret Santa is where a group of people all put their names in a hat. You have to buy a present for whoever’s name you pull out – roughly to the value of £10. You don’t reveal who you’ve drawn to anyone and you don’t leave your name on the card/present, hence the secret part.
Now even though every year I get generic stocking filler stuff (like a ‘grow your stripper’ kit or a ‘desktop golf’ game for example) which I will never use, I like receiving presents. Who doesn’t? Plus my self-esteem is so low that this makes me feel important and special.
Every year I do the same thing. I give my recipient a photo of me in a frame with a note attached alongside an alcoholic drink of some description. The photo plays on the running joke that I am self-obsessed and maybe have a crush on them (I will normally hint at the crush in the days leading up to them receiving the present). I have done this for 4 years now at various jobs and it always goes down well before the person sticks it in a drawer and forgets about it. This mostly gets a laugh because I have usually drawn either men or old woman so it is clear that my perceived romantic intentions are only for comedic purposes.
This year I drew young Tasha in admin. Thinking nothing of it I had a photo developed, popped it in a frame, wrote her a little note (nothing overly flirty though as I barely know her) and wrapped it up. I also got her a bottle of wine. My housemates gave me an odd look when I told them I was doing this for Tasha, saying that maybe this was not appropriate and could backfire on me.
I should point out that Tasha is only 17, she is relatively new to the company, she is very shy and as she is the closest to me in age in the whole office during meetings we are often referred to collectively as the young ones.
I should also point out that Tasha is my bosses daughter. My boss is very protective of her. His face as Tasha opened her gift was not a happy one.
I should also point out that Tasha now thinks that I am in love with her!
Now I am not very good at reading women but since receiving the photo, Tasha has started taking her breaks when I take mine, started referring to me as ‘hun’, laughs a little too hard at my poor excuses for jokes, has send me a friend request on facebook, sent me 7 emails today alone (25 this week) and , in the latest one, asked for my phone number. I suspect that she may be interested in me. You won’t be shocked to learn that this is unfamiliar territory for me.
Today I found out that Tasha is going to be sitting next to me during the meal at our Christmas Party next week.
I get the feeling that this night is going to backfire on me in spectacular fashion and I am struggling to see a safe way out of this scenario. You see, my boss and I have a frosty relationship at best (see my earlier ‘timing’ entry for further information) and if I play this wrong I could see myself on the unemployment line faster that you can say O’ Holy Night. I have to nip this in the bud ASAP.
I will try to let Tasha down gently in the best way that I can but I know that I will probably mess it up. I am not a very confrontational guy (some may call me a coward) and have little experience in letting girls down since I had my mate Olly dump Heather Morgan for me in year 5. A large part of me is hoping that I am grossly misreading the situation and that she actually doesn’t have any romantic intentions towards me. Knowing me, this is probably the case and I guarantee that my crazy brain will decide that she is the ideal girl for me the moment she utters something along the lines of “let’s just be friends”.
Either way, the Christmas Party is gonna suck. All of sudden Justine in Finance doesn’t seem so bad! Any tips anyone can provide on what to say would be greatly appreciated!
Before you say anything, I know this is my own fault for giving a young girl who doesn’t know me a gift which could be construed as a declaration of fancying her. My idiocy is squared by the fact that it is my bosses (a man who dislikes me very much) daughter.
Next year I am just going to get someone, regardless of their gender, a novelty tie. Every time I hear that familiar tune of Jingle Bells it will serve as a reminder for me not to be so naïve and stupid again! Lesson learnt me thinks.