The Sausage Sandwich Incident

I mentioned last week that I have a new job.

It may surprise you to know that I am loving it so far.

I am respected, treated as an equal by both my bosses and colleagues, my opinions are valued and I feel that I am taking to this new field of marketing like a duck to water.

As we are a start up company, things are also a little different than the big corporate organisations that I am used to.

For instance, nobody (besides me) wears a tie, I can work from home, I am allowed to go on youtube, one of the owners brings his puppy into the office everyday and I have 2 computer screens at my desk (this means I am ever closer to fulfilling my dream of having a ‘Mega Desk’ – I also like the fact that people don’t mock me for calling it Mega Desk).

Everyone who works here is also focused on making the company a success, this breeds a real postive atmosphere with everyone pulling in the same direction and looking out for each other.

I have even managed to patch things up with Elaine after last week’s incident & we are now getting on famously.

Things are good.

Well, they were…until the Sausage Sandwich Incident.

But Jay“, I hear you ask, “What exactly is the Sausage Sandwich Incident?”. Never fear dear reader, I am about to tell all.


Dwight and I share a love of Mega Desk

Dwight and I share a love of Mega Desk


I’ll kick things off by explaining to you that I don’t like sausages. I never have. I have no idea why but I just don’t. My dislike of sausages is so great that if someone were to put a gun to my head and instruct me to either eat a sausage or face certain death then I would most likely take my chances with the bullet.

Luckily, after spending 30 minutes researching the subject, I don’t believe that no such incident has ever occured. I also struggle to see why someone would risk going to prison simply to get me to eat a sausage. But I digress…

Yesterday we had a new client in. This is a big deal for us as we don’t have many at this present time.

He has a new product for which he wants us to design some marketing literature, an email broadcast and possibly a telemarketing campaign for his internal sales team. He also wants us to research new markets in which the product would be applicable.

Things were going well. We had been brainstorming ideas all morning. I was having some inspired ideas that the client was very much on board with.

As I missed breakfast I am getting hungry. My stomach rumbles…well it was actually more of a wail. Everyone heard it. Even the client.

“OK, we’ve been at it for hours now guys. Clearly Jay here is getting hungry. Let’s take a break. I’ll go and get the bacon sandwiches in”

Everyone but Luke (one of the directors) was going to have one. Luke had to pop home and grab his puppy. The client gets quite excited about this. Turns out he loves dogs.

So this guy is not only loving my ideas but he is also going to feed me and we all get to play with the puppy. It was shaping up to be a great day!

My phone rings. It is another prospective client who wants a meeting. I pop back over to Mega Desk, check my diary and make an appointment for her to pop to our offices in a hour or two.

Cute eh?

Cute eh?


After 10 minutes or so of me watching clips on youtube of Chappelle’s Show the client returned, gestured for us all to sit around our coffee table with him and placed 6 bacon sandwiches on the table.

Or, more correctly, what I thought were bacon sandwiches.

You see, during closer inspection (I always inspect my food, it’s a weird trait) it appeared I had 4 sausages between 2 slices of toasted bread. He had gotten me a sausage sandwich.

Oh dear.

“umm…mine isn’t a bacon sandwich”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that. They were out of bacon downstairs so I took the liberty of getting us all sausage sandwiches instead. Everyone OK with that?…”

Everyone nodded. Charlotte had even alerady begun devouring her sandwich.

Of course they all nodded. This was a client who had done a nice thing for us all, out of his own pocket, to say thank you for our efforts so far. Besides, everyone likes sausages.

Everyone except me.


Quickly processing the dilemma ahead of me I realised that I had 3 realistic options:

1) Refuse the sandwich

2) Eat the sandwich

3) Pretend to eat the sandwich but try and dispose of it.

I opted for option 3. I figured that it was the only scenario where everybody wins. Mr Client does not get offended and Jay does not have to endure the trauma of eating not one, but four sausages.

Thinking on my feet I used my mobile phone to call the phone at Mega Desk. I rushed over to Mega Desk, answered the phone, had a pretend conversation with the client who I had spoken to moments before giving her directions to our office whilst quietly tipping the sausages into the paper bin next to Mega Desk.

I then quickly munched on a the toast whilst pretending to reply to an email before returning the table with the others.

I had gotten away with it. I praised myself. I never get away with anything. For a brief I imagined myself as a James Bond like spy. I had not felt this suave since the chewing gum incident.

Our meeting continues for another hour and eventually concludes. Just as things wrap up Luke pops in with his puppy.

Immediately the canine heads for me and Mega Desk.

Mr Client notices this.

“oooh he certainly likes you”

I decide to get cheeky.

“yeah well it’s a little known fact that dogs can not only smell fear, but awesomeness too. I believe this is why Teddy gravitates towards me”

It gets a laugh! We have well and truly bonded today. Mr Client also wants to go with my idea for his brochure thing. This day just keeps getting better and better.

It is then I notice that Teddy is not really that interested me. It seems he is more interested in my bin.

I think that this is a little strange but shrug it off. He’s only a pup so everything is new and exciting to him.

Then I remember, the sausages. They are still in my bin.

Oh crap.

Before I can react Teddy has pulled the bin over and sent the contents of my paper bin onto the floor of the office.  About 30 centimetres from Mr Client’s feet.

“are those sausages?”

He’d noticed.

“errr…yeah. I don’t really like sausages”


Then there was silence.

Now I have experienced countless awkward silences in my time. I believe I have even written about them on this blog before. I don’t think I have ever really encountered a true awkward silence up until this point.

Luckily there was a knock at the door.

The prospective client was here. I had been saved.

I quickly grab my wallet and take her down to the canteen downstairs for a coffee and a chat.

After about 45 minutes of business type talk I returned upstairs. Fortunately Mr Client had left.

I sat at my desk and checked my emails. I had one from Luke.

“Just to update you mate. Mr Client and I were talking and he thinks that your brochure idea needs more work. I am gonna have Jason take a look at it and make some improvements”

I didn’t say anything but I knew this was because of that bloody sausage sandwich! I tried to shrug it off but I did feel a tad deflated. I suppose things had been going a little too well for me this past week.

I never thought it possible but now I hate sausages even more!



I wrote this piece yesterday night but due to tiredness decided to hold off on posting it until today.

When I arrived at work this morning something was amiss with Mega Desk.

Sitting atop of it was an 8 pack of Cumberland Sausages, a 4 pack of sausage rolls and a picture of a hot-dog was taped to one of my screens.

Have I mentioned already that I love my new job!



About Project Southsea

I blog mostly about my adventures in awkwardness.
This entry was posted in Humour/Awkwardness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to The Sausage Sandwich Incident

  1. BeckBockk says:

    I seriously enjoy the response your co-workers had to your sausage-oriented cibophobia. Excellent stuff. Quick question, though: how do you cope with working in marketing if you’re an awkward person? This amuses me.

  2. This is just the best thing ever.
    I love awkward situations with a happy ending.

  3. sociopathicuttlefish says:

    I want your co-workers!

  4. absolutely hilarious!! And just think…. instead of nicknames like Big Tuna and Fire Guy (I’m trusting after the Mega Desk reference I’m in good company here…) you can go by Sausage Guy! Or even better, BIG SAUSAGE!!! You’re welcome 🙂

    • You are indeed in good company (question: which type of bear is best?). I have never had a nickname before so an Office related one would be awesome. Good thinking S.

      Could you maybe subtly suggest this to my colleagues?

  5. I work at Vertical Leap in Portsmouth. I switched jobs a year ago from a factory, best decision ever joining a fun office environment.

    Congratulations on yet another awkward moment in your new career 😉

  6. Erin says:

    I felt awkward just reading it. Hilarious.

  7. Henry Toledo says:

    That’s pretty funny! I’m glad you have a great relationship with your work and clients. It’s a great thing! Thanks for sharing!

  8. I lol’ed. You seem to have an interesting life. Keep sharing. BAHAHA! :p
    Great post! 🙂

  9. Pingback: Does anyone know Shaft?! | Project Southsea blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s