He ain’t heavy…


I believe I may mentioned previously that I live with my brother. You can call him C. Luckily we get on very well and he and I spend a lot of time together.

You may recall that he has even cropped up in a story or two on here. Whether it be us being told to grow up, frequenting a metal club, me taking the flack for his sleaziness or us both unknowingly sleeping with the same girl (at different times), there are plenty of stories involving the pair of us.

It’s safe to say that we are close.

I’d even go as far to say that I don’t know a pair of siblings who are closer than us two. C is very much one of my three best friends on this planet.

These two may argue though...

These two may beg to differ though…

A couple of years ago C moved away from Portsmouth to follow his heart and move in with his girlfriend at the time who was relocating to Kent to go to University.

Whilst I was happy for him, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him when he was away. I was living with a long term girlfriend at the time. As our relationship began to break down it was C’s company that I wanted more than anything.

Unfortunately he had his own life and issues to deal with. His relationship was falling apart too.

We both found ourselves having to move out of our respective homes within weeks of each other. C went to live with our mother, I moved in with our father.

During this period we leant on each other a lot. We spent hours pouring our hearts out trying to figure where we both went wrong. I don’t know how I would have coped throughout that period without C. Although it was a rough time, our shared heartbreak served to bring us closer together than we’d ever been.

Fast forward to the present day and we all fixed and happy again. C now resides in a bedroom directly above mine. We are never too far away from each other if the other requires something. Both of us are in really good places in our lives

In fact, C is doing really well these days. Whilst I have an on-going stream awkward moments, he has an on-going stream of female suitors.

Last night he had another date.

After football training I spent my evening doing some work from home.

I have not a had a chance to catch up with C yet but something tells me it went well.

Whilst sitting in bed, tip-tapping away on my lap top, I heard noises.

At first it did not register with me but after a while I recognised the all too familiar noise of a bed squeaking. It was all too obvious what he was up to.

Now that was pretty cringe-worthy. I don’t need the mental image of my own flesh and blood in the throws of sexual ecstasy.

However it got worse.

The groans started.

First hers…then his!

This is tough for me write. I now know what my brother’s sex noises sound like.

You know the episode of the Simpsons where Sideshow Bob steps on all rakes? He sounds like that!

I put my headphones in, turned my music up loud and tried to forget about what just happened.

I am struggling to though.

Whenever I have a quiet moment to myself I hear that noise.

Something tells me it will haunt my dreams!

I have to see him in a little while. I don’t know what I am going to say to him!



Some people at times have expressed jealousy as to how close C and I are, especially in comparison to their own siblings.

I don’t think that people will feel that way anymore.


About Project Southsea

I blog mostly about my adventures in awkwardness.
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12 Responses to He ain’t heavy…

  1. frequentneed says:

    I feel apprehensive for you. Maybe when you see him you could just make those noises at him, might get back at him that way, OR he might have no idea what youre doing and you could just end up looking awkward. Meh

    🙂 Im a happy follower of Project Southsea

  2. Eph A Bee says:

    Yeah, some things should not be shared by siblings. When my younger brother was still living with my parents, I remember being home to visit for academic break, and he would have phone sex with his girlfriend. He had a vent from his room open up directly to the living room next to it. I remember my mom and I looking at each other, and it was incredibly awkward for both of us when he came out of his room. I think the best I could manage to say to him was, “Uh, dude, there is a vent above your room that connects to the living room. Just keep that in mind, please.”

  3. H. Stern says:

    I think you should offer to sound proof his room for his birthday. Or, you know, Valentine’s Day is coming up; just remind him that good brothers KEEP IT DOWN, so that others can sleep. You know… be subtle! 😉

  4. Henry Toledo says:

    Haha, that’s funny. I’ve been in similar situations with my friends. We make it awkward for everyone by making loud unusual noises to distract the “busy ones”

    • That’s what my housemate has suggested. Next time we plan to stand outside his room (I will probably have earplugs in though) and cheer encouragement at him. Think that should teach him to keep it down in the future!

  5. Dang, that sucks, dude! It’s also pretty awkward, and I understand how you feel; the same thing happened to me, but it was my mom who did the unforgettable sound. I’ll never forget it. It still gives me nightmares. God, it’s horrible. Overall, I still think these sorts of situations are funny. They make for good conversations. 😉

    Good post! 😀

  6. Pingback: The kids are alright…sort of! | Project Southsea blog

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