Some Valentines Day tales…

As today is Valentines Day, I figured I would share some love related stories with you.

This all came about as my friends and I, like the macho guys that we are,  were talking about Valentines, relationships and love last night.

Real Madrid were playing Manchester United in the Champions League (if those words do not make any sense to you then all I will say is that a football/soccer match was on TV) last night and a group of my friends came over to Project Southsea to watch.

As Valentines Day was on the horizon, talk before and after the game (we all sat in practical silence during the match) turned to plans for the big day. This then moved into talk about previous Valentines Days as well as stories concerning love and relationships in general.

Dictator Valentines

As none of my friends read this blog (and were too engrossed in the match and their conversations to notice me making notes) I figured I would share a couple of the more harrowing stories with you now.

 

My Story “Awkward”

One year I completely forgot about Valentines. I only realised that today was February 14th when someone at work mentioned it in passing. I had plans to see my girlfriend at the time later that evening. On my way home from the office I stopped off in a crappy little corner shop by my house. I knew that they had a very limited selection of cards and gifts there. I figured I would get just something at the last minute and she’d be none the wiser.

At the card stand I ran into my girlfriend. She was doing the same as me.

It was awkward.

 

C’s Story “Even More Awkward”

When I was younger I dated this girl briefly, I think we went out for about a month or so. She was really cool but a proper drama queen.

Whilst we were dating I ended up meeting another girl (who he went on to spend 5 years in a relationship with). When I realised that I liked this other girl I ended things with the girl I was currently dating as I did not want there to be any crossover. Trying to be a nice guy, I told the girl I was dating my reasons for ending things. She took that badly and swore at me. She swore at me a lot.

Move on 6 years to Valentines Day 2012. My cousin set me up on a blind date. She was a friend of his girlfriends and this would be a double date. I was nervous but my cousin assured me that this girl was nice.

Her friend turned out to be the girl I had dumped all those years go!

She took one look at me, called me a wanker and insulted my haircut before walking out.

That was awkward.

 

Mark’s Story “PS(TD), I Love You”

I had a Valentines Day first date with a girl a few years back. It went really well. I took her for dinner and afterwards we headed off to a few bars. We were getting along famously. I even had a brief daydream whilst she was in toilet as to what we would call our children. She invited me back to hers. When it became obvious that we were going to have sex I had to come clean and tell her that I recently had Chlamydia and it had not entirely cleared up yet.

There was no second date.

 

Billy’s Story – “Gotta have faith”

I became absolutely smitten with a girl at uni and spent weeks working up to the courage to talk to her. She eventually agreed to go on a date with me where she revealed that she is devout Christian.

Then, I lied to this girl that I was as devout a Christian as she was and cultivated a relationship with her. I spent a period of 6 months going to church twice a week, doing charity work, attending bible readings and various other wholesome activities (which I hated).

I had to hide my smoking, drinking, gambling and masturbation habits. She would not let me touch her. I was 19 and desperate. Eventually I couldn’t take any more and text her a few days before February 14th in a drunken stupor detailing all the sordid and x-rated things I wanted to do to her (I believe chocolate bars were involved). After she failed to reply I got drunker, this culminated in leaving her a voicemail which consisted of me breathing down the phone to her whilst masturbating.

She dumped me on Valentines Day and never spoke to me again.

 

R’s Story “Let them eat cake”

My first real girlfriend and I had only been going out for 3 weeks or so when Valentines rolled around. She said that there was no need to make a fuss as it was early days in our relationship. As I was aged 17 (and naïve) I took this to mean no gifts, cards or anything.

She came round on Valentines evening to watch a film. She had brought this little Valentines cake for me. She called it a Valentines Love Display Cake. I had nothing. I had also forgotten that February 14th is also her birthday. She sulked all night and then we argued.

She came round a few days later to patch things up. I had gifts. She wanted to see the cake but Jay and I had eaten it then night before! Apparently it was not made to be eaten. She sulked all of that night too.

We broke up in March.

 

 

My Granddad once said to me that you can judge a man by the company he keeps.

After reading those stories back to myself, I am desperately hoping that my Granddad was wrong about that one!

 

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About Project Southsea

I blog mostly about my adventures in awkwardness.
This entry was posted in Humour and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Some Valentines Day tales…

  1. Oh my! Those tales would be enough to put most people off valentines day! I do however feel that full credit should go to Mark for being honest about his affliction rather than just taking the opportunity to get his leg over!

  2. Edwin says:

    HAHAHAHAHA! These are great! 😀

  3. Pingback: Dictator Valentine Cards | AwkwardList

  4. nuttycow says:

    I’m sure Mark could have made up a better excuse along the lines of “I respect you too much to do this on our first meeting, let’s take it slow” etc. Although, of course, the girl would then obviously assume he wasn’t into her. A no win situation 🙂

    (great stories though. More please!)

  5. What a tale of awkward endings! Still had to read them all though and cringe! I have a Valentine’s Blog hop going, do come and link up

  6. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that is why you don’t date devout Christians unless you are one yourself 😉

  7. frequentneed says:

    I think I’ve found a guy who makes swwet sentimental collages for his valentines, I think that’s sweet and anything but awkward. Perhaps you can see,this as,an example for the future

  8. Pingback: Some Valentines Day tales | cupidmustdie

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