R and I are having a debate (again). I could do with some input.
As always, I’ll start at the beginning.
So, I don’t have many female friends.
It’s not like I solely hang out with guys or anything. I’ve just noticed lately that the ratio of my guy friends in regards to my girl friends is very much skewed in favour of the males.
I used to have loads of platonic females friends. Then I entered into a long term relationship with a girl who was of a jealous persuasion and, as a result, I drifted away from these ladies and as everyone grew up, got married, had babies and generally moved on with their lives, most of those friendships fell by the wayside.
Having said that, I have managed to cultivate a few in last 18 months or so and do have more female friends than the other members of Project Southsea. Although I think they have a total of about 3 between them so that’s not really anything to brag about.
One of my better female friends is Claire.
She and I met through mutual friends and bonded over a shared loves of Liverpool Football Club, Star Wars, the music of The Smiths and self deprecating humour.
From about April onwards we kept bumping into each other at various parties and social events. After realising that we had a fair bit in common we exchanged numbers and eventually started hanging out. When the new football season started in August we begun watching games together most weeks.
Despite scrutiny from my friends, there were no romantic undertones in this friendship. Personally, I just don’t think of Claire that way.
The feeling is mutual too. Our hangouts regularly consisted of one helping the other out in giving advice over various potential love interests.
It was nice to meet a girl whose company I enjoy greatly whilst genuinely having no romantic interest in her whatsoever. It makes me less awkward.
I once even tried to set her up with a mate of mine. I still think that they’d make a terrific couple. His new girlfriend will probably disagree with me though.
All was going well with Claire and I until one night before Christmas.
After a heavy night of drinking, she and a few friends stayed at Project Southsea to watch some films. We ended sharing a drunken kiss.
Well, I say kiss. It was actually more of a full blown make-out session. I definitely recall it seemingly going on forever before I eventually succumbed to tiredness and fell asleep on the sofa.
I woke the next day, absolutely mortified as the memory of us two in a drunken embrace slowly began to materialise in my mind.
I am guessing that she was equally as mortified. I say this because when I awoke she had already left.
I figured I would text her and do some damage control so reached for my phone. She had beaten me to it.
“Oooops! Whilst last night was pleasant, I don’t wanna ruin our friendship. It’s probably best if we don’t make a habit out of that. You agree yeah? See ya next year. x”
Claire was going home for Christmas and New Year. We agreed to put that kissing session past us and move on.
I hoped that a bit of a time and distance would put this whole thing behind us and we could go back to being pals and football buddies.
I did not tell anyone about the kissing.
Her sister had a baby and she ended up staying away all of January and she came back to Portsmouth last week.
I ran ino her on Tuesday.
Now I am no stranger to awkward encounters but this one was up there with one of the worst I have ever had. I have no idea what was the problem but something was off with us both.
I knew what I had to do.
We have a St Patrick’s Day creeping up. Claire will be there. I planned to lay low until the party and catch up with her then. I think that being at a party with a big crowd and more people to bounce off of will take the pressure off and relieve any tension that may exist between us.
There was a problem though.
She sent me a text Thursday morning.
“Hey mister. 2nd leg against Zenith tonight. Pub at 7:30 yeah? x”
I couldn’t face an awkward evening of conversation so I told her I had plans (I know that I should not tell lies but technically this was not a lie. I did have plans. They simply involved watching the game alone indoors).
Prior to kick off I fancied a snack so headed down to road to the local supermarket for supplies.
She was in there.
I saw her by the bread section. I figured if I quickly made my way to the tills then I could get swiftly in and out unseen. So I sidestepped to the produce aisle and quickly sped to the end towards the tills.
She was standing right there in front of me.
Busted! That bloody girl moves like gazelle!
I tried to mumble my way through an excuse but she knew exactly what I was doing. She even called me on it.
“You cancelled because things are still awkward after our kiss didn’t you?”
“You are such a girl”
I had to respond.
“YOU’RE a girl!”
“Well that settles it mister. You and I are having dinner on Wednesday and we are going to talk about this. I don’t want this to be an issue between us so let’s nip things in the bud. Agreed?”
I agreed with her. So we are gonna grab a burger, have a catch up and try to bury this thing once and for all. It’s the mature thing to do. As we are both grown ups this seems like the best course of action. I miss my mate too so want to sort this out.
I fessed up and told R all about this last night. He has a theory on the matter (he always has a theory on the matter). He argues that males and females can’t be friends.
R says that one party will always have some kind of romantic intention towards the other and, when these romantic intentions aren’t realised, feelings will get hurt and the ‘friendship’ will suffer and eventually decline.
I disagree with him (I usually do).
So I am opening the floor to you guys and would love to hear your opinions on the matter. Do you have any stories and experiences that can add weight to the argument?
I would ask my female friends for their opinions…but I don’t have many!