I have always had problems with my inner monologue.
It would appear that I do not possess the ability to filter what is coming out of my mouth and words will seemingly emerge from that big hole in my head almost of their own free will. My mouth is an entity that is almost entirely unaware of the consequences one faces when they deciding to speak without thinking.
If you have read my blog previously, then it will come to no surprise to you that this lack of a vocal filter has gotten me into trouble over the years.
This had taken on many forms. Whether it be once telling a girl I was dating that she looked ‘surprisingly pretty’ today (she took this to mean that I thought that she did not usually look pretty); or, aged 9, offending my teacher Mrs Rhodes accidentally by suggesting that she reminded me of my nan, albeit a bit fatter; or thinking aloud that my friends baby “looked like Dr Evil’s cat” (he didn’t speak to me for weeks afterwards). It even recently led to this story which most posted on this blog a while back.
Well it got me into trouble again today.
So work has been going well for me lately. I know that in the 3 months I have been here I have accidently insulted co-worker’s daughter, looked like an idiot in front of a client and lied about a relationship in order to avoid being set up with a colleague’s sister! However, all that aside, things have been fine.
Earlier today I was on a conference call with my boss and a client. The call was not going well. I won’t go into too much detail with you, but all I will say is that we were in danger of getting sucked into an argument with this woman who was being rather stupid.
We had spent the past 45 minutes on the going round in circles, getting nowhere. Before I knew it our call had veered into lunchtime and I was hungry. Really hungry.
To put it bluntly, this woman was doing my head in. I wanted her to go away. I guess my mouth was aware of this fact and decided to act.
Transcribed below is how we ended the call.
Client: “Why don’t we just lie to them on the material to get their attention?”
Boss: “We can’t do that”
Client: “Why not?”
Boss: “…because it’s illegal”
Boss: “well, we don’t really want to break the law”
Client: “why not?”
Boss: “because we’ll get fined, maybe closed down.”
Boss: “we could all even go to prison”
Jay: (*sighs loudly*) “let’s move on Boss, we’ll be here forever as clearly Mrs Client is an absolute moron!”
Ooops! I definitely didn’t mean to say that. I only meant to think it.
Client: “I BEG YOUR PARDON!”
Instantly, I realised that I probably should not have put it like that. I scrunched up my face, clenched my fist and knocked it against my forehead as if I was trying to punch my brain. I needed to stall for time .
Before I could even fathom any kind of response by way of damage control, I was interrupted.
Client: “did you just say I was a moron?!”
Boss: “OK.. we’ll call you back in 5 Mrs client?”
Suffice to say, my boss was not best pleased and spent the next 20 minutes
yelling at explaining to me that I can not call a client a moron…well I can but just not when they can hear me. My defence of ‘I was just thinking out loud’ did not get me very far either.
Something tells me that I may not be working with that client again. Although this is not actually the worst thing in the world (I stand by my assessment of her mental faculties) it has not helped me garner the respect of my bosses.
So it’s not been a great day. Once again, the inability to engage by brain before opening my mouth has gotten me into a spot a bother.
I was talking with the housemates about ways to prevent this from happening again. R suggested a vow of silence. I suggested that he not be an idiot. He is now not talking to me.