The Inner Monologue (or lack thereof).

inner monologue

I have always had problems with my inner monologue.

It would appear that I do not possess the ability to filter what is coming out of my mouth and words will seemingly emerge from that big hole in my head almost of their own free will. My mouth is an entity that is almost entirely unaware of the consequences one faces when they deciding to speak without thinking.

If you have read my blog previously, then it will come to no surprise to you that this lack of a vocal filter has gotten me into trouble over the years.

This had taken on many forms. Whether it be once telling a girl I was dating that she looked ‘surprisingly pretty’ today (she took this to mean that I thought that she did not usually look pretty); or, aged 9, offending my teacher Mrs Rhodes accidentally by suggesting that she reminded me of my nan, albeit a bit fatter; or thinking aloud that my friends baby “looked like Dr Evil’s cat” (he didn’t speak to me for weeks afterwards). It even recently led to this story which most posted on this blog a while back.

Well it got me into trouble again today.

I still have no idea why he was offended...

I still have no idea why he was offended…

 

So work has been going well for me lately. I know that in the 3 months I have been here I have accidently insulted co-worker’s daughter, looked like an idiot in front of a client and lied about a relationship in order to avoid being set up with a colleague’s sister! However, all that aside, things have been fine.

Earlier today I was on a conference call with my boss and a client. The call was not going well. I won’t go into too much detail with you, but all I will say is that we were in danger of getting sucked into an argument with this woman who was being rather stupid.

We had spent the past 45 minutes on the going round in circles, getting nowhere.  Before I knew it our call had veered into lunchtime and I was hungry. Really hungry.

To put it bluntly, this woman was doing my head in. I wanted her to go away. I guess my mouth was aware of this fact and decided to act.

 

Transcribed below is how we ended the call.

Client: “Why don’t we just lie to them on the material to get their attention?”

Boss: “We can’t do that”

Client: “Why not?”

Boss: “…because it’s illegal”

Client: “So?”

Boss: “well, we don’t really want to break the law”

Client: “why not?”

Boss: “because we’ll get fined, maybe closed down.”

Client: “so?”

Boss: “we could all even go to prison”

Jay: (*sighs loudly*) “let’s move on Boss, we’ll be here forever as clearly Mrs Client is an absolute moron!”

 

Ooops! I definitely didn’t mean to say that. I only meant to think it.

 

Client: “I BEG YOUR PARDON!”

 

Instantly, I realised that I probably should not have put it like that. I scrunched up my face, clenched my fist and knocked it against my forehead as if I was trying to punch my brain. I needed to stall for time .

 

Jay: “…errr”

 

Before I could even fathom any kind of response by way of damage control, I was interrupted.

 

Client: “did you just say I was a moron?!”

Jay: “um…huh?”

Boss: “OK.. we’ll call you back in 5 Mrs client?”

 

 

Suffice to say, my boss was not best pleased and spent the next 20 minutes yelling at explaining to me that I can not call a client a moron…well I can but just not when they can hear me. My defence of ‘I was just thinking out loud’ did not get me very far either.

Something tells me that I may not be working with that client again. Although this is not actually the worst thing in the world (I stand by my assessment of her mental faculties) it has not helped me garner the respect of my bosses.

So it’s not been a great day. Once again, the inability to engage by brain before opening my mouth has gotten me into a spot a bother.

I was talking with the housemates about ways to prevent this from happening again. R suggested a vow of silence. I suggested that he not be an idiot. He is now not talking to me.

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About Project Southsea

I blog mostly about my adventures in awkwardness.
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20 Responses to The Inner Monologue (or lack thereof).

  1. This is why I have given up talking for the most part.

    Hilarious (albeit unfortunate) post 😀

  2. princessthought2013 says:

    ah yes, the missing filter. I have a super heightened sense of sarcasm and oh how do they say a bit of “smart-ass” syndrome. Hey, when you’re right, you’re right! LOL

  3. H. Stern says:

    Ahh, see, this is why my skills are. You should have conferenced me in! I deal with government people. If you think you know stupid, you have NO IDEA. In DC, the contractors have a phrase, “that’s SO govie,” which is to say, someone who does something that makes absolutely no sense, and then is surprised when things go pear-shaped.

    So, I think the thing you need to consider doing is realizing when you’re getting frustrated with clients, and work with your boss to find a better way to terminate calls. Like, “I think you make some excellent points. Boss and I will have to consider it; let me get back to you!”

    …..but there’s no help for telling someone their baby looks like a hairless cat. Even though they almost ALL do. The only reason mine didn’t was because he was born with hair… but I digress…. stop talking before you think, man!!

    • Hmmm, I like the idea of using a code. We may even adopt “that’s SO govie” in homage to you.

      My boss brought me a ‘stress ball’. He said that I am to squeeze it before speaking when I get frustrated with clients and/or co-workers. It has worked thus far.

      People don’t like it when you insult their kids do they. I probably should have known that already though.

  4. Very funny! 🙂 So sorry to hear what happened, however!

  5. frequentneed says:

    🙂 I need you with me so you can say all the things I dont.

  6. frequentneed says:

    well….most of the time I dont

  7. Eph A Bee says:

    I have a tendency to say things without thinking, but I tend to have less of the awkward consequences like you do. Usually people think I’m making a joke and they laugh. Too bad we can’t swap that part of our brains for a while; while having people think you are charming and funny, it can be a pain when you can’t stand those same said people and it only encourages them to be around you more.

  8. T. A. Woods says:

    I had to develop a filter. Less of thoughts slipping and more of being too blunt. Now, I find myself just holding back a lot. It’s a lot more freeing to be unfiltered…but it also leads for the most awkward situations.

    • I try to hold back but things just slip out! You need to teach me your secret T.A.

      Presently I am trying to count to 5 in my head before responding to things at the moment. Hopefully it will help me.

  9. IamZion says:

    I’m laughing right now, candor is not always appreciated in the customer service factors of must any employment, so it had to be dealt officially, but that is good quote for a blog story and I thank you for sharing it.

    There are some habits that can be formed to help not say what you shouldn’t especially when you shouldn’t say it, but I’m thinking you probably find the benefit factor a strong bonus to just remain status quo. LOL

    • It probably wasn’t the wisest of moves. I regret nothing though.

      Hopefully this was an anomaly and won’t happen (not with a client at least) again.

      If it does, then at least I have a new story for the blog! Win-win.

  10. Pingback: Does anyone know Shaft?! | Project Southsea blog

  11. Lori Wise says:

    Dr. Evil’s cat!!! Bwah hahahahahaha!!! This actually did make me laugh out loud and laugh out loud, loudly!

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