As most of you will know, last weekend was a bit of a rubbish one.
Fortunately, this weekend was one that was relatively incident free. After the past 7 days it was much needed.
The only downside with a quiet weekend is that it gives me little to write about. I was worried that I may have to delve into the archives again and share with you the time my dad drunkenly offered me Viagra! Luckily I don’t.
However inspiration struck me when I was reading through some other blogs. In an act of blatant thievery (if that is even a word???), which has not been seen since Winona Ryder walked into that Fifth Avenue store back in 2001, I pinched an idea that I saw used on two other separate blogs…
…writing a letter to yourself in the past.
Their posts (I wish that I had links to them) were interesting, creative and full of depth. Each displayed a long emotional journey with highs, low and heartfelt words of wisdom that one can only articulate after reflecting on a tough and strenuous life. Luckily, they had both come out the other side 0f it better off and seemed truly comfortable with themselves.
I am not certain if mine will be like that but I will give it a shot.
Now, you should know that as an 18 year old I was an idiot. However as I am now a little older and a little wiser I really think that I am in a position to give that idiot a spot of advice. So here goes nothing…
A letter to my 18 year old self.
Dear 18 year old Jay,
I am writing to you from the year 2013. Yes, that means that I am writing to you from the future. Despite your daydreams, time travel has not yet been invented and you are yet to have any adventures going back in the past a’la Marty McFly. (You will actually still be hoping for this to become a reality in 2013).
Now I know you don’t really feel all too comfortable with all the emotional, sentimental and soppy stuff so I won’t dwell on anything of that nature here. All I will say is go and visit your Nan more often (she does not get better) and make sure you give Kelly Mac a call whilst you still can.
Anyways, I figured that I would use the benefit of hindsight to drop you a quick line and give you some advice in order to prepare you for the years that lie ahead.
As I know that you get headaches from reading lots of text I will break the main parts down into points for you:
– Whilst we’re on the subject, those headaches are because you need glasses and not because you maybe have a brain tumour you hypochondriac! Go and get an eye test now! Do not ignore it for 2 years and make your eyesight worse!
– That faux-hawk haircut does not suit you. Please remove it immediately.
– As of 2013, Liverpool are still yet to win the Premier League. Stop making foolish bets on this with your friends every year. You’ll save yourself a fortune.
– Change your email address! Trust me.
– In 3 months time work will surprisingly invite you to an awards ceremony where you actually win an award! Jeans, T-shirt and Baseball Cap are NOT appropriate attire for this event. You will be mercilessly teased for years (even by people who weren’t there) if you go dressed like that. Wear a shirt and tie you idiot!
– Whilst building a wall of used beer cans in your room may sound like fun, it will actually make your room stink to high heaven and will almost ruin things for you with a girl you like. Just throw them out upon consumption.
– Drink some coffee before you take that girl from your English Class to the cinema. Otherwise you will fall asleep during the film, only to wake up and find out that she left already. It will be beyond embarrassing for you.
– In 5 months time, you will go to a nightclub, drink too much and feel queasy. Do not then approach a bouncer and enquire as to where a good place to throw up would be. He’ll throw you out into the street and it will hurt for weeks afterwards. That’s part of his job. Duh!
– When you meet Hayley’s parents for the first time, do not try and light a cigarette on their stove. You will end up singeing your hair and eyebrows, thus making you look like an idiot! You will then spend years unsuccessfully trying to prove them wrong.
– In fact, don’t smoke at all. It’s bad for you…and expensive!
Hopefully these will all hold you in good stead and make your transition into adulthood a little easier.
Oh, seeing as I am here I will also give you a heads up that you were right and Mason is autistic.
This will take a while to become official, Mum will also not remember you making this suggestion so feel free to mention it at every given opportunity. She won’t mind. Don’t worry about him either. He is blossoming into one of the most fascinating, funny and remarkable people that you have ever met.
One more thing, you and R eventually do end up sharing a house. You are living with him now. It takes you both a little longer to get there than you originally planned though (women get in the way) but that is a story for another day.
C is living with you too. Yeah, you guys are mates these days. Practically best mates in fact…I’m not even kidding!
Before I leave I should also say that I know that after smoking some illegal substances and re-watching The Matrix recently you are a little paranoid that computers will soon become sentient and will enslave all humans. Please relax, this has yet to happen and doesn’t look like happening any time soon.
I leave it there. I wouldn’t want to spoil the future for you.
Don’t worry. Everything is going to fine.