The EX-Files

I have been in 2 serious relationships in my life. One of the many upsides to this is that I only have 2 ex girlfriends.

I ran into both ex girlfriends yesterday.

In the morning I got on the train and the only remaining seat was next to ex number 1. I didn’t realise it was her until I was already sat down. I feared the worst when I realised the situation. However, after 5 minutes of awkward chit-chat, the train arrived at her stop and she got off. A sense of relief coursed through my veins as I felt that I had a dodged a majorly awkward bullet there.

I then saw the most recent ex walking down the street as I walked home from work. This exchange did not go as smoothly as the first.

Whilst she and I are on good terms these days and text each other every now and then, I had not actually seen her in the flesh for roughly a year! It was a strange thing seeing her right in front of me. I must confess that I was a little pleased to see, however this was because she was looking a little rougher than I remembered.

Anyways, there she was, walking no more than 10 yards in front of me (and at an annoyingly slow pace too!).

As I am a mature individual (and am able walk quicker than a tortoise with 2 broken legs) I knew that I would have to overtake her and, therefore, engage her in conversation. As it was so bloody cold outside I wanted to get home as quickly as possible and taking an alternative route was not an option.

After weighing up the various options and ways of initiating conversation in my head I decided that the most appropriate course of action would be to run up behind her, jump up in the air and grab her whilst shouting “boo” and, therefore, scaring her shitless!

Now I realise that, as ice breakers go, there are better ones available. However that little voice inside my head went “screw it” and I went for it anyways. Besides, she was always a bit weird so I knew she’d see the funny side.

…it wasn’t her

However, in an ironic coincidence, the girl who I did scare had a right hook that was strangely similar to that of my ex.

(*Legal Disclaimer* – my ex girlfriend did not actually beat me!)